I've seen a few versions of the "most stressful life events" lists over the years. A little more than a decade ago I had three of the 'biggies' in a six-month period. New job. Divorce. Buying a home as a single mom of two. To say that year was a roller coaster of emotions is an understatement. Or was it? I actually can't remember. I survived it and that's all that matters to me now. Go me!
Fast forward to 2018. The list isn't as impressive as the one from 2007 so why does it seem like such a big deal this time? My age or my ability/willingness to put up with disruptions, irritations and feeling uncomfortable could have something to do with it. Difficult to tell.
The new job began in early December. Tendering my resignation has always felt awkward to me. The rejection of one company to rush into the arms of another. I allowed anxiety to build leading up to the resignation as I secretly attended interviews and was negotiating the next step in my life. It felt sneaky at the time.
Relief never felt so great as the moment I walked out the door for the last time. Then through the roof went the anxiety of beginning a new job, not knowing the people, the processes, the policies. ugh. Each day felt more painful than the next. Day after day, the life lesson smacking me in the head repetitively while I was oblivious to it.
Uncomfortable decisions. Uncomfortable conversations. Uncomfortable environments. FEELING uncomfortable before it even WAS uncomfortable in anticipation and expectation of it BEING uncomfortable.
Then I realized ... the only thing making anything uncomfortable was ME. I was attaching that emotion to it all. Feeling those feelings and drawing more of the same to me. I was passing judgement. Labeling the experience as negative, unenjoyable, intolerable. From the 'sneaky' thoughts to the heaviness in the pit of my stomach, I was judging every step.
Until yesterday that is. Until I looked myself in the mirror, reminded myself that I'm a Sovereign being. That I have the ability to change my reality. Life isn't happening TO ME. I have the ability to create my OWN reality. I've got this. I'm over it. Done. Finito Enough with the expectations of what? A perfectly comfortable life. Nope. I will be faced with the 'uncomfortable' again. Instead of bucking it, resisting it, refusing to see it for what it is, I will embrace that which feels different, unfamiliar or unusual. I’ve got this! And you've got this too!!!